BEES STUDIO

Welcome 2019. No, seriously

 

every new year, around this time, once the Christmas decorations have been put away, and the endless tins of cookies have been purged from the cabinet (and by purged I mean eaten, with no guilt)I sit back and make promises for the new year ahead. I say I'm going to put down my phone and pick up my camera more, and every year I say I'm going to get back to writing. I come back to this space and spend a great deal of time traveling back in time, reading, laughing, smiling and crying. But mostly I wonder to myself why i don't sit down and write with the regularity that I once did. Part of me thinks that a blog is a thing of the past, replaced now with Instagram and Snapchat.I don't know if that's actually it though. As i've always said, my writing is mostly for me. It's why i don't bother with capitalizing letters or worry about run-on sentences (obviously), so it shouldn't matter where i'm writing or who's reading. And it certainly isn't because of  a time factor. When I was writing back then, i was at my busiest. I was working/commuting 50+ hrs a week and for a part of it trying to start a photography business that did quite well for a little while (until it killed my passion to shoot for pleasure, i'll save that story is for another day). My job was super stressful and although it was rewarding and i was exactly where i needed to be at the time, it was demanding, and i took a lot of it home with me and often felt that i was never clocked out (all of that is on me and my work ethic). Yet somehow i found the desire to sit down and write it all down. And it's not that things were easier back then either, because they weren't. We both worked way more than we should have, and it all went to paying bills, and our little house, although loved, was in need of lots of work we just couldn't seem to find the money to do. It left us with little to enjoy life with. But somehow  we did just that. A lot of what I shared back then were the little things, the small joys in my life. The East end of LI, my friends, my little town and good local beer. As i sat thinking about this, and how much things have changed in the past two years I wondered- Did I write to help me get through the tough stuff back then? I wrote when things were bad, and it somehow helped. I wrote to put in perspective what was happening ( when I lost my Nonnie, when my Dad's cancer was taking his life away, when 54 years later I still was not good enough in my mothers eyes). So, could it be that I have lost my voice for writing because things are GOOD? Could it be that i don't sit down on the regular and write because I'm just plain HAPPY? Dare i say it? It almost feels like i just jinxed myself, but it's the truth. I no longer look to escape from what's going on around me. I now work part time for a company that I've admired (or thought i did) for years, one that is so different from where my roots were pulled from, it's insane. When i worked for Apple i felt like this well rooted plant (lets say a peony ) sitting, facing the bright warm sun, being fed and nurtured for twelve years, everyday growing and flourishing. And now it's like I have been yanked out of the ground, placed in dry soil, not fed or watered, and not really cared for. (holy WOW, that was deep, considering I'm just selling tee shirts and jeans). But let me get to my point. The stress level now is almost non existent, it's just a job (with an incredible discount, which helps my shopping addiction and keeps spending at a low).And although my soul is searching for more, it's also very rewarding to walk out the front door at the end of my shift and not take any work baggage (other than a shopping bag)home with me. So, could it be that this place that i am in, both physically and mentally, is exactly where i suppose to be? We are finally in a new house, that truly feels like "home". It's beautiful, and cozy, and surrounded by trees. It was an easy transition, it's the place i can't wait to get home to at the end of the day, and the place i don't want to leave on my days off. A place with such a personal sense of Hygge it warms my heart. So, I start this year with hopes of sitting down and writing once again. Documenting the everyday here in this new space. Celebrating this new life in North Carolina. Celebrating new friendships that seem to have been sent to me from a higher place and that don't feel new at all, but feel like a part of me that i have been searching for for a long time, a piece of my heart. Celebrating a new home in a new town. And most of all celebrating this simple, happy life where i wake up (almost) everyday with a smile and a perfect piece of avocado toast.    

 

And just like that...

he was gone. When they told us about the cancer,and said he was not in pain, I wondered how we’d know when it was time. I told him daily that he was going to be ok,that he was the best boy,and asked him to just let me know when he’d had enough. And sure enough, that’s just what happened. It didn’t make this any easier, but it made that first step acceptable. He was different right from the beginning, with his short little legs and big block head, the little brown lab who hated to swim and needed help and sometimes coaxing with a carrot, to get up a flight of stairs. He was, at times,needy and annoying, but all he ever wanted was to be loved. He never cared if he was the Alfa dog, actually didn't want to be and he never was. He was happy with all dogs. All he ever asked for was your attention, that paw that would beg you to just touch him. The hoarder of all toys, never did he greet you with less that two or three stuffed into his mouth. A trip downstairs or to the yard required a slipper in the mouth. We will take care of your Wilson, that basketball that ended up in our yard after Hurricane Sandy that you claimed as your own. Never did it leave your side. It’s now unrecognizable , but not to you. I don’t know what life will look like without you, you’ve been a part of our lives for so long, yet not nearly long enough. The one who stole my tomatoes off the vine, I won’t be able to look at popcorn or carrots, or toilet water without thinking of you either. I’ll miss those ear, the softest of any dog I’ve owned. There will be too much room at the bottom of the bed, and my feet will be so cold. Please know you are loved, and missed. You are the best boy! You can do it Duck, Bob, Gumpy, Gunthy bear, BaBa, old man, my Gunther. You were always afraid of everything, please don’t be scared now, Go run, and eat as much grass as you want! You’ve earned it! You own my heart.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

RIP Gunther

 

 

Nope, not dead yet

I know you all thought i was probably dead. That or I had once again given up the ship and you'd possibly get another blog post in 2022 explaining my absence. But, nope, I'm here. I got all caught up in life or really trying to create one. Lets back up. When I moved here 2 years ago (holy shit, its already been two years?) I had this grand plan of what life here in NC was going to look like. I had built it up so big in my head that I honestly couldn't wait to sell the house and get down here and do it. I was going to make my kombucha on a bigger scale, sell it at the farmers market and get a beer pouring gig at a local brewery a few days a week. Doesn't that sound awesome? Until you realize that all of that just isn't possible. And you have to come to terms with the struggle of knowing what you want to do and the reality of what you have to do. The sad truth is that you have to have money in order to make money at something you love. So you cry a little, eat one too many biscuits, and you get out there and try something else. And if you're lucky enough, after a few failures, you get a good idea of what you DON'T want to do and what doesn't feel like the right fit for you, even when you love the company. And then you take a leap of faith, and apply for a job on line that isn't anything you've ever done before. And you go on an interview, that from the first 5 minutes reminds you of a similar interview that you went on 13 years ago, the interview that would end up changing you life, So I'm not selling Kombucha in the farmers market, but I have been working in my new job for almost two months now. I'm revisiting clothes in my closet that haven't seen the light of day in years, and i'm making friends. And dare I say it? I'm happy. So there's that.

You all know that when things get sad, i tend to withdraw a bit, which is another reason I have been gone for so long. We once again have to comes to terms with Cancer. Now if I had a dime for every time i've cried over cancer, well, I'd have the money to start that Kombucha company. This time the nasty disease has it's filthy hands on my poor, sweet pup, Gunther. He's 9, so when he started coughing, we thought he was just getting old, or had eaten something in the yard that got stuck. But when he started coughing up blood, we took him to the vet. I'd like to say the news came as a complete shock, but it really didn't. An Xray showed that he has a large mass over his heart, vascular in origin, not treatable (which is a good thing, because I've watched too many people die from the cure of cancer than from the cancer itself) and not operable. We went home fearing the worst, as with most cancers there's no "date" or final day. We started him on a steroid that has kept him comfortable. We allow him to bring the outdoor toys inside, I turn my head when he's counter surfing,I try not to get annoyed when he stands in the middle of the yard, nose in the air, for 10 min at 5am, and there may or may not be a few bites of human food dropped "accidentally" at the dinner table. He's lost a lot of weight, and we are just waiting for him to let us know when he's ready to go. He's always been such a good, sweet boy. Never the dominant dog in the house, or any house, just a laid back, mellow fellow, and he will be missed terribly. 

So as you might have guessed, all those things that I wrote about in my last post have yet to be started. Time here at home has become way too valuable. We have managed to do a few things. Like Camp North End, The US White Water Center, and Hoppin Charlotte. Once again, it's spring and I am missing my peony bushes and the smell of lilacs this time of year. But as my Nonnie would always say, "this too shall pass, my Jeanne". So maybe in this new life here in NC, I replace Peonies and Lilacs with Crepe Myrtle and magnolias. And I am thankful to have green tomatoes on the vine in early may, and a full herb garden. 

In July we start looking for a home to call our own, where I can plant my fruit trees in the ground, and unpack the boxes that are in the garage, which at this point I don't even remember the contents of. I will paint my kitchen any color I want, and surround myself with all the things that make a house a home. And perhaps I'll plant some Peonies and have a little faith in God that they know how much they will be loved. And God willing, Gunther will make it long enough to be buried under a big magnolia tree, where I can sit and visit him everyday. That is really all that I ask. 

5 things I'm Crushing on right now...

Good old Fashion Library cards

I made a promise to myself at the end of 2017 that in the new year I was going to spend less time watching TV or, worse,  searching random shit on my phone and actually open up a book, not an iBook, but an actual book, and read more. Well, that hasn't happened yet, but tomorrow (no really)is the day. I feel like I'm moving into my old lady stage and it feels kind of OK.

• Union County Public Library
• 5 things you may not know you can do with a library card
• this book

Sewing

It's been getting warmer and warmer by the day here in Charlotte. The other night, wrapped up in a cardigan, scarf and unusually warm boots, I walked walked my Saturday night dates, Sasha and Kibbles, and might have lost 3 pounds in the process (not to worry, it was followed up with Italian bakery cookies). The warmer weather has me dreaming of new Birks and also has me browsing the spring lines that are popping up in the mall. Especially the retro Boho styles that always show up this time of year, calling at the 20 year old me to wear them. I'm super excited to start some DIY's for the spring. 

• inspiration #1 
• this easy copycat of inspiration #1
• these easy skirts that I made last summer
• Taking the idea one step more, because honestly who doesn't love a Canadian tuxedo of sorts?
• Super in love with this as well!

Home Remedies 

With all the Flu germs floating around and my refusal (don't start, i've already had this conversation with my Dr and everyone in his office. And no, I wasn't there because I was sick, although its a wonder I made it out of the waiting room alive with all the coughing, sniffling going on there)to inject anything into my body, I decided to see what else there was out there other than my usual regiment of concoctions(I'll save that for another post, it's quite lengthy). The one thing that kept coming up? Elderberry Syrup. After doing some research, and putting my order in, I found that it was actually quite easy to make, and well worth giving a try.

• Sweet's  
• organic dried Elderberries
• all the rest

Lemon Trees

One of the best memories I have is of being on the Amalfi Coast, in Italy. Our villa in Positano was gorgeous, and surrounded by lemon trees. Every morning I would make pitchers of lemon water to wash away the homemade Limonchello the caretakers would bring us every evening. I was a huge lemon fan before this, but this event in my life deepened my love for the tart yellow fruit. Last summer, on a whim, I decided to try and sprout my own seeds, and found they were not only eager to sprout but grew quite nicely in the NC heat. I now have about 6 well established plants. This year Meyer Lemons were in abundance here, so I sprouted some of those. I recently read up on growing other citrus plants from seed. Give it try. I hope to live long enough to have my own little grove.

• the process
• same process, different fruit

Currently Crushing on:

• Gray Malin 
• Bax Miller
• my LI fav
• this book and its wonderful story of love

 

OK, who's joining me?

If no one answers me I'll ask again. Who's joining me? OK, let me explain. I thought that it would be a great idea to start a little photo challenge on my own, and invite my social media friends and family to join in. I've been turning it over and over in my head, trying to come up with something that was fun, didn't require too much commitment (because lets face it, if you don't have the time it can feel daunting) and could also showcase the differences in our lives and help us catch up on each other. One of things that I miss most about being so far away from everyone is the missing out on the little things that happen in everyones lives. You know what I mean, those little things that Facebook doesn't remind me about. You know what I'm talking about. The failed midterm, the lacrosse goal, the attempt at making that Pinterest recipe, the dog eating the couch. Those moments that happen, and if I was there I might hear about, but because I'm not, they just fade away. I miss that. 

So what I thought might be fun was to document one day in our ordinary lives, with 9 photos. I'm calling this photo challenge "9 on the 9th". The idea is to go about your day, as you would any other, except starting first thing in the morning, start taking photos. It can be anything, your breakfast, your shower, the laundry heap, whatever you want. February 9th falls on a Friday this year, and I chose this date for a reason. We're all busy, in our own way, I get it. So I thought that doing this on a Friday would give everyone time to take the photos, chose the 9 that you like best, put them together in a grid (I suggest Diptic, but any collage app will do) and post them to either your Facebook page, or easier, your Instagram account with the hashtags #9onthe9th, so we can all see eachother images. You will have all weekend to put it together, and post the images over the weekend. Now I know right now my sister is saying, "what a fun idea, I can't do this". The thing is, yes you can, everyone can. And you'd be surprised at how much fun this can be. It's not about technique, or what kind of camera you are using. Yes, you can actually dust off that camera you got last year, take it with you to the grocery store, to yoga, to the SAT prep class, to work, it doesn't matter, no one will look at you funny. And if they do, invite them to join the #9onthe9th movement (see how quickly stimulated I am? It's already a movement in my head). My hope is that enough people get involved, and will want to continue the challenge to the next month, which will be slightly different to keep things interesting. So, who's joining me? If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out, I'd love to hear from you. Just know,I won't let you go without the promise to join me. Here are a few photo inspirations for you to get the creative juices flowing. 

Clickin Mom's

DPS 

Click it up a Notch

 

Fiber plus...

 I'm not that person that spends hours searching Pinterest, pinning everything that tickles my fancy (who says that?). Ok, thats sort of a lie, but usually only for DIY projects, or clothing ideas, or maybe calligraphy inspiration, and definitely for motivation, but most definitely not for recipes. Okay, maybe for recipes. Anyway, I don't know if its the cold weather or the little bit of snow Charlotte got the other day (those 3 inches that shut down school for 3 days and even kept me from work 2 days. Hey, when in Rome) but I've been feeling all kinds of nostalgic lately. Missing my friends and family so much. Its really hard sometimes, like when one of your BFF's is having her first baby in a matter of days and you've missed the whole pregnancy, or when your nieces are teenagers and are so much fun to be with. So,I've been cooking things that remind me of certain times in my life. I made polenta just like my Nonnie used to make it, and licked the bowl clean of every drip of butter and Parmesan cheese. The other day I started thinking about when I lived in Buffalo. There are a few things that really stand out in my head from those days when it comes to food and drink. OE800 (no judging, they were big, and CHEAP), the amazing cucumber dressing that I used to get on campus in my cheddar cheese and sprout pita sandwich, which to this day, I can still taste in my mind, but have not been able to replicate. Then there was the bran muffin from the Elmwood Market . These muffins were as big as your head, and as I remember them, they were basically a heap of wheat bran, soaked in honey, oh, and they were a dollar. And back in those days, it would take me 3 days to eat. From time to time I'd think about these muffins, wondering if they were just the genius invention of the couple that owned the store back then. Had I been the only one obsessed with them? I thought for sure these muffins would just live in my mental menu, along with the cucumber dressing, till the end of time. Until Tuesday But let me back track for a minute. Every time someone come to visit from New York they bring my husband bagels. Although its always appreciated and a very sweet gesture, the truth is, we were not the couple that spent our weekends on line at the bagel store when we lived there. Bagels were a 2-3 times a year splurge. But when you live in the South, good bread is a rarity. So when the New York bagels arrive, you indulge and then you a ton of corn tortilla chips, because how else are you suppose to scoop up the homemade chili. Needless to say, come Monday morning I was feeling, ummmm, how should I put this, a little clogged? So I started to search for some recipes with extra fiber. Which landed me on this recipe which started my mind flipping. It looked almost exactly like the muffins from my memory. I immediately ran to Publix, (because lets be honest, who has wheat bran and powdered milk in their pantry?) and came home and made them. OH MY WORD, they are so close to what I remember, I've been eating them non stop, and have already made a second batch, which for some reason came out even better than the first batch. Needless to say I'm no longer clogged. (insert poop and happy face emojis)

Also on the agenda this week, putting more effort into my 365 photo project. This weeks theme seems to be light, my favorite thing usually. But for some reason I keep getting stuck behind the lens. I need to just put the iPhone down, maybe not even take it with me when I go to shoot. We all know the iPhone takes amazing photos, and I've said it before, it has sort of ruined me as a photographer, made it so easy to capture things on the fly, and make them look great. But that is not what this exercise is about for me. It's about picking up my camera again, and being more creative. So, I struggle, but I will try. Heres a few for the week, one was even spotlighted (? is that even a word?) on the #cy365 Instagram, which totally was a moral booster for me.I have an idea for a photo project of my own for February, which I will be sharing on Facebook really soon, and I'm hoping that some of you will join me, no matter what you photography level is, I think this is going to be a fun project. And the best thing is, its only for one day. No long term commitment. Doesn't that sound wonderful? OK, enough typing for one day, its time for my walk. What are you doing to motivate yourself today?  

Geez, January

 

Does anyone else hate January, or is it just me? I feel like January has so much pressure riding on it. So much is expected in January, am I right? Did you start that diet? (nope), have you started  walking again every morning? (nope) How's the job search going? (job search?) How's that new Journal that you paid the big bucks for back in November working out for you? Has ANYTHING changed from 2017 to 2018 other than the tax reform bill? (i don't even know what that means). I can't lie, other than starting up back here, which I have to admit is sort of selfish, because I haven't shared with anyone, not even my husband the news that I'm back, nothing has changed. And that's because I feel like 2017 was a year of SO MUCH change, that I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. 

I know I owe you guys the full story, and that will come eventually, I just have to figure out how to narrow it down to a blog post from the short novel that it is now. But long novel short, In June of 2016 the college that my husband worked for for over 17 years and where I got my degree closed (pick up your jaw, it does happen). It wasn't really a huge surprise, the college had been mishandled for many, many years and was on the decline for at least the last 10. We should have planned better, made the move sooner. But I am a firm believer that good things really do happen to good people. And my husband is the best person I know (not the tidiest of people, but the best human around). So a week before Dowling College closed its doors for good, Tim got a call from a headhunter looking to replace the D2 mens lacrosse coach at Wingate University in NC. After a few phone interviews and a video group interview they flew us both down to see the school and have an interview with the AD. After living day in and day out with the bullshit Dowling handed him, and still standing behind the school, it was such a welcome surprise to see what a real university was like. A huge eye opener for both of us. The school is beautiful, and huge, and just so giving to its students. As scary as the prospect of leaving Long Island was, we knew that this opportunity was too good to pass up. So the very next day, Tim accepted the position, and we flew home. 

Now I know that this sounds like the part where I should be freaking out. I had been working for Apple for almost 12 years at the time, and really didn't see myself anywhere else. We owned a home that we didn't think we would ever sell, in a town that we loved with all our hearts. Both of our families live there, and all of our friends. But to tell you the truth, the more I thought about it, this certain sense of calm came over me. Almost as if i was finally able to exhale for the first time in a very long time. The cost of living on Long Island is just insane, and although we were both making a decent income, we just couldn't seem to get out from under the rock. And quite honestly, the job that I loved, working for the best company in the world, had become quite boring, and although over the years I had had my share of lateral positions, the hopes of gaining a position doing what I really wanted to do was really just a dream. The thought of moving to a new state, where we knew no one was actually exciting. And after months of living apart (Tim in NC, working, looking for a home for us to rent, me still in Patchogue with the dogs and the cat, trying to sell the house. And very thankful for Abigail who was there to help me so I could still work FT until the last minute)  everything finally came together and on October 20, with everything we owned already in NC, we packed all the pets and the clothes we had on our backs, and my kombucha scobys into the Jeep and drove the 11+hours to our new home. 

So much was different, and what I expected it to be was not at all what it was. And as we took our time to discover Charlotte and the surrounding areas, we really fell in love with our new home. 2017 was an adjusting year, I had no job, and was trying to figure out how to make a living doing something I loved. Living to to work, instead of working to live. I started a dog walking service which brought me to my current clients. I won the Capture the Crown home brewers contest and got to brew my kombucha at Lenny Boy Brewery. I started walking every morning (until the weather hit 90 degrees ), lost some weight, found a Dr. that diagnosed my chronic cough as asthma ( NOT bronchitis as I was told forever back home). We discovered some really great breweries, and some really sweet little towns. And have spent many hours snooping around the different parts of Charlotte, which is an amazing city, only a 25 min (no traffic) drive from where we live. We had lots of visitors, and went home for lots of visits. We miss a lot of things, pizza, bagels, Chinese food, and mostly our friends and family. But we really do feel blessed that we have had this opportunity.

We will focus 2018 on finding a home we can call our own, and once that happens we will really feel like southerners. So yes, I hate January and all its expectations, but I am really looking forward to 2018. Come visit Y'all.